I Want...
Monday, June 30, 2008
today...a horrible day for me. woke up 12 hours later to read for a bit. then got up to pack unwanted clothes into a box- half my cupboard's empty. see the amount of useless things that take up so much space in my life. but before I could complete what I had set out to do, hell came. for those who have experience my version of hell in mg would know what it is. the whole day I had 2 spoons of chicken rice, ran to get medicine, and wound up puking nothing 5 times straight. sat in the toilet like some limp doll, thinking this was as good as death itself. finally sat in front of the fan and fell asleep there. woke up with no energy.

now, my schedule is completely screwed up. was suppose to start on King Lear and finish my packing. but if I do that, I think I don't have to sleep til 2 plus 3..

looking forward to this week (but...that would all mean that, I'm FLAT BROKE)
  • wed- end of exams. YES
  • fri- meeting SG10 for concert. can't wait!
  • sat- MG dance concert!
  • sun- snj is back!!!
  • mon-maybe the shopaholics could meet again.

with love,


Charmaine at 9:31 PM | 2 comments
Gender Identity



"Have you ever wished that men would come with instruction booklets? If you buy a toaster, or an answering machine, it's always accompanied by a nice little booklet that helps you understand the product, explains its featues and tells you how to avoid hurting yourself when you use it. Well, what about men? As women, we "use" men more than our other "appliances", yet we're expected to figure out how they work all by ourselves. When it works, we think men are fantastic, and we're sure we couldn't live without them. When it doesn't work, we think men are impossible, and that we're much better off never having to deal with them at all.


As a woman, you have three choices as to how you are going to deal with men during your lifetime:

Choice #1: you can get angry at the men in your life for driving you crazy and spend your time complaining about them. (This is fun for a few hours, but after a few years, it loses its attraction)

Choice #2: You can give up men entirely and buy a nice fluffy pet. (This is cheaper, and less work, but not very fulfilling.)

Choice #3: Master the Art of Seduction


Iago: If a woman is pretty and smart, she uses her good looks to get what she wants

Desdemona: But what if the woman is smart but ugly?

Iago: Even if she's ugly, she'll be smart enough to find a guy to sleep with her

Emilia: What if she's pretty but stupid?

Iago: No pretty woman is stupid, because her stupidity will make her more attractive to men. Emilia: What horrible thing fo you have to say about a woman who's both ugly and stupid?

Iago: No matter how ugly or stupid the woman is, she plays the same dirty tricks that the smart and pretty ones do.

-Adapted from Othello (the Shakespeare for idiots version)-


MEN.


WOMEN.


IAGO: She that was ever fair and never proud,

Had tongue at will and yet was never loud,

never lacked gold and yet went never gay,

Fled from her wish and yet said "Now I may"

She that being angered, her revenge being nigh,

Bade her wrong stay and her displeasure fly,

She that in wisdom never was so frail

To change the cod's head for the salmon's tail,

She that could think and ne'er disclose her mind,

See suitors following and not look behind,

She was a wight, if ever such wights were-



The ideal woman according to Iago,

A woman who was beautiful but never proud,

who could speak well but knew when to be quiet,

who dressed well but was never overdressed

who had self restraint even when she could get what she wanted,

a woman who never took revenge,

who overlooked when people hurt her,

who was too wise to do anything stupid,

who could think without revealing her thoughts,

and who could refrain from flirting with men in love with her,

that kind of woman,

if she ever existed, would-...........would raise babies and clip coupons.

Charmaine at 2:05 AM | 1 comments
Stress Relief
Saturday, June 28, 2008


YES. SEA HISTORY IS OVER! I thought I would never have survived it. in the end, it was uh, a little bad. all thanks to me being hardworking and staying up all night (except for that 2 hr long sleep), WHO FALLS ASLEEP IN AN EXAM while writing an essay? ME. ah wells, was like so happy it was over. OMG, I got cheated! I thought Lit was on tues, but it's on WED! that means it's like...a day less of holidays!!! SO UNFAIR!


funny things that happened in the course of exams this week:

  • lit: glenn ran out and needed more paper, I passed it to him from behind
  • hist: Fell asleep, glenn had to destress and did so by whispering 'charzie' behind me and playing with my plait. turned around discreetly, and saw him smiling.
  • felt leonard staring sometimes- disturbing.
  • hafiz rubbing his tummy cos he was hungry
  • lao shi's handphone game started playing its music in the midst of Int. Hist
  • lao shi ask me to distribute 12 sheets of paper to everyone, I ran out by the 10th person with a 400 sheet stack. go figure....hahaha. gave it like free (it is!)
  • lit: didn't know what to write, so started estimating how many words there was by counting the lines and the no. of words in each one.


anyways, after the dumb paper, hans and jai accompanied me to town to have lunch. went to sakura at far east and omg, I ate a few mouths of my crab meet tung hoon and didn't want it; it was so ex for it you know! it was wasteful I know, but it was like as if I was eating beansprouts and eggs only :S so we went walking around and doing stupid things to kill time (we were there at 1140, and I had to wait for claire til 5). after being disappointed at missing the time for movie: Get Smart, we decided to go to HongKong Cafe to eat slowly til 5. oh, I had my yummy noodles, WAYYY more worth than the stupid lunch. haha. jai and I had a splendid laughing section at the expense of Han's uh...phone? hahahaha. he literally jumped each time the phone rang with an incoming message. Jai and I laughed non stop.


HANS MADE ME CRY!


met cla and walked to WH, zara, pull & bear where we literally spent the whole night at these 2 places. went to zara cos of sales (so crowded...could just die), I saw this white embroidered top I like...but...it had some defects. so I sadly gave it up but convinced cla into walking all the way to the big zara afterwards. cla bought dresses from WH and pull & bear- pretty. then went to the big ZARA, it was OMG. damn crowded. couldn't find the white top. but claire was like so satisfied with her buys, she helped me pick clothes in M and L (go figure). hahaha. nah, not her fault, all left with such large sizes- explains SALE. all the nice dresses in yellow and pink were too big (duh) and too short. talk about abnormalities...oh oh! I saw this pretty coat in the zara kids section I liked, but it was smaller by 1 size!! ARGH. haha. in the end, claire's choice of skirt won the selection that I tried! pretty!!! :) can't wait to wear it.


anyways, this is for zai.
試験の後は、最高！ショッピング、会う友達と、空想とない学校！唯一の場合は、毎日のように！パーフェクト！
with love,


Charmaine at 11:55 PM | 1 comments
I'm feeling bitchy. Pardon me
Thursday, June 26, 2008
okay, so it's exam time. fabulous. it's only been the third day of exams, writing essays non-stop just makes me thirsty, hungry and sick of writing by the time i reach the second essay. it's gross to know I still have 2 more papers. HURRY GO AWAY! exams suck anyways, no sense of urgency + can't be bothered incomplete papers= fail. okay, moving on with my non-existent life.

anyways, I didn't study today...and was so bored after finishing watch my drama online. Naturally the only way to get rid of my boredom was to look at pictures on friendster and facebook and silently comment to my inner bitch. this also includes blog hopping and wondering to myself why people do certain things. (not aiming at anyone in particular...and I really mean it)

how is it that people still posts pictures of themselves if they think they look like crap? I don't get it, so does this mean that they are seeking universal support in how crappy they look or are they trying to play reverse psychology and get people to say 'oh, you don't look like that'. like UH.

it's quite funny, cos I was thinking back on how last time X used to be soooo attention-seeking by proclaiming to the entire world about the subject of her conversation (with herself)- like go 'oh! I'm fat' or like 'oh! your legs are nice, mine are muscular/not nice/ (whatever)' and X would look and probably have expected me to say 'no la, you're not fat' or 'your leg's aren't gross (universal term used)'. and I would naturally go against the niceties and say 'oh, you're the same weight as me right, how fat can you be' or 'it's muscular cos you do things that call for it' OR I'll just ignore it. then then X may say 'but you're tall!' and I would go 'oh' and walk away.

then another case, I buy a bowl of noodles cos nothing else to eat...and I offered some to Y saying it would be a waste since I probably can't finish it as I'm not very hungry. innocent remark right? happens all the time. then Z who has been listening the whole time says 'you can afford to eat it char' and I'm like 'uh. but I really can't finish it? it would be a waste' or I would choose to keep quiet and secretly bitch to myself. (WOW, I'm totally being a bitch now man) it's like...no link?

oh oh. CLASSIC: the hotties vs the notties, in which most cases, people who aren't hot think they are. worse, they act it. like oh gross. I really don't mean to be mean but like, wearing 2 sizes smaller and you end up expanding it is like...uh... :S and in amazement I go like 'oh, you wear S, this S is big' with clear signs of expansion...and the person tell me 'yea, I can fit into S'. like O.M.G to the max? then jai and I were having lunch once, and we saw this uh... on-the-plump-side lian-not-trying-to-be-lian girl in those super short white shorts. thank goodness we finished our meals. it was so...gross! and she walked past our table like as though she was the hottest thing in the foodcourt. NOT.

this has been one useless post. but I had nothing better to talk about, so...pardon my lil BF (bitch fit).

P.S in ZARA with JL and hans today, 2 guys were checking him out in the men's section. JL and I were sad. of all people, they chose guys over girls?!?! what is the world coming to?

ok whatever.

with love,

Charmaine at 12:07 AM | 0 comments
irritated.
Monday, June 23, 2008
I'm IRRITATED to the MAX. seriously la, sometimes adults have NO SENSE OF TIMING. like wth, it's coming 7...tomorrow I have econs paper at 8...I have yet to study, and I'm asked to do household chores. like shshdkhdkhfihsrhir. ARGHHHH. and worse, I ask for it to be done another day right, blatantly exclaiming 'you think tommorrow I have no exams isit'...and still have the nerve to tell me chores first. fabulous, now I have the perfect excuse to why I will be failing econs tommorrow. and some other person HAS to irritate the life out of me as well in attempt to 'be funny' and seriously what is with the only-I-can-do-but-you-can't-do-it-to-me attitude. pisses me off. everything irritates me right now.

and to think I was looking forward to solitude.


anyways, on a slightly brighter note...received a really sweet card and photos of pre-u sem from becca. THANKS :) was so excited to see a letter that beared my name (which weren't from billing companies nor the government).

Charmaine at 6:27 PM | 0 comments
A Trip With Love
Saturday, June 21, 2008
JUNE HOLIDAYS ARE OVERRRR! and hello my friendly papers. pfft. this month I have accomplished everything but studies (and I mean it)- shopping, going out, socializing, 'dating', yeah yeah you get the idea. AH, worse. I have NO SENSE of urgency at all!!! I can't believe til now, I am feeling worried I only finished international history....and I have econs and lit paper on the 2nd and 3rd day. FABULOUS. ah, whatever. studies are soooo...they cause unnecessary stress in life, seriously.

So, what have I been doing this holiday?

  • study dates
  • cip
  • shopping :)

honestly, I think I spent a bomb on shopping. Initially, I actually managed to have cash in my wallet...until this week. SIGH. now I'm back to my state of beyond poverty. Nonetheless, I honestly love my shopping buys, just that I don't really remember what I spent on :S HAHA. oh yes, thanks jit for the super cute bear (compliments of KL)! anyways, I'm too lazy to talk to much crap and I refuse to be like those people who blog all day about achieving nothing only to read about chapters of revision done. so, just enjoy the pictures.


Family visit-My uncle from Japan visited! YAY. I get to go Japan after As! My dad agreed to sponsor my airfare, and my uncle agreed to sponsor shopping. Is this love or what! :) and his phone is my eyecandy, white, slim and his camera is the EXLIM one. like WOW!


my younger brother looks older than me :(

dad.me.uncle

was playing around with my dad's japanese phone camera rotating screen. coolness.




CIP @ the zoo- thanks to JL, we had a pretty fun time being sheepdogs. it rained in the morning, so it was pretty cooling. not to mention, aside from helping accompany under privileged kids, we even took part in a blood donation drive. it left us scars on our lovely legs :( curse those mozzies. hope they grow fat and die from gluttony. serve them right.


JL, char, claire

it was REALLY cramp

woMAN vs Beast (gentle giant)




oh, we were being idiots in the toilet. you know they have a pond, I bet they are just trying to breed more mosquitoes

oh check out this damn cute boy- he's my harry potter (the spec-y one please)

 we were strolling and some groups were seriously honeymooning away. we got frustrated and decided to camwhore



this is shuwen's favourite part. hello DARLING.

study date with S-imagine the joy when I agreed to study with her at United Square Starbucks.


oh, she was so fascinated with my latest holiday mini adventure- hair extensions! simply cos it touched the table



we endured til night!

in S's book, a toilet picture is a must-have!

S insisted we went to Hans for lunch to eat fried rice. and she said 'take my picture!'

went to shuwen's proclaimed 'my territory', but was Ian's house. haha. K left, leaving us to study for abit more. and I got bored and decided to sit there. but S's was secretly in love with me, and took paparazzi shots!

shuwen called this the 'seal pose'
oh, I was uploading pictures from my phone to my com. and I suddenly found this outta nowhere. lesson learnt: don't trust S with your phone- she'll start laughing to herself weirdly

told you toilet pics are a must-have

S was trying not to laugh when I told her to look hardworking, now you know.


Today: Shopping with Claire and Shuwen- my love & my darling

It was quite funny, Jai made me wait for her from 4-5.30pm, naturally I was irritated, cos she was late. but when I saw her really rush down like some kan chiong auntie and hair wind-blown hair, I couldn't stay mad at her :) and at least she felt bad. hahaha. So I met C and she gave me comfort food: brownies and yakult- YUMMY! C bought a dress from pull & bear (which was really nice) and a yellow top from Mango. I bought a black speg from Club March while S bought green berms from Mango.we walked til like 8 plus, then S came without notice. but since S hadn't eat dinner, and C had to go home...I decided to be nice and eat dinner with S. we had marche- crepe and mushroom soup. so filling!

further proof...anyways. S cut her hair, and strangely it looked brown :S


this was the only decent pictures outta the disgusting ones we took.

Study date with Jai (2nd love til she can think of a better endearing name for herself)

we went to ___ to study. and it was cca day, so the sports people kept walking past us to take their things, but also staring at us cos we were studying at the sports complex. it was raining, and having walked from one end of the school to the other was so tiring! so we decided to stay there, only to get curious looks from EVERYONE who went past us. omg. there was this one guy who kept distracting me- prob from the bi/tri-athalon club who went to the water cooler. he had NICE TANNED SLIM LEGS. I was SOOOO JEALOUS! PFFT. the world is unfair. most guys have nicer legs than girls. sheesh.

Anyways, after that, met Zai, BH, Kenneth for dinner. then went home tired....

look at loser Jai trying to act smart and obviously blind to reality.hehe






alrights, hope you enjoyed it.

with love,

P.S my latest shopping love: http://dolceloolies.livejournal.com go see!


Charmaine at 12:42 AM | 0 comments
penny for your thoughts
Saturday, June 14, 2008
caution: this is a LONG post, and one that is filled with provocative thoughts and maybe even filled with frustration to some extent. so go ahead at your own risk.

was watching 'are you smarter than a 5th grader' last night. and it got me thinking, as we grow older, do we grow dumber or smarter? one of the questions posted as first grade animal science was 'are all birds mammels. true or false?'

the contestant answered 'true', that's probably what we're thinking right? but in the end, the answer was 'false' and he had to rely on his classmate to save him. so that brings me back to my thought on us being smarter or dumber. it's ironic that as we grow older, we are better educated, more exposed to knowledge yet, we find ourselves at a loss when such simple questions are posted to us. could it be that we are so caught up in complexity that we no longer indulge in the beauty of simplicity? yet if we do that, and not bother ourselves with progress, living our lives with 'ignorance is bliss', we are branded as ignorant and dumb by society. dumb for not knowing what is happening in our world today.

why is it that adults find mr bean stupid yet children think he's the funniest man alive? why do adults break away from cartoons saying it's more suited for children? or in chinese, it's frequent to hear adults telling children 'you children don't know anything'. I remembered once, my mum told me, during their board meeting, the vp asked 'given a huge pillar of wood and a gateway like those found in china, the pillar is too tall to fit through upright, how then do we bring it through?' the executives went into deep discussion, and came up with an answer 'cut the pillar into two', yet ask a child, and they would simply tell you 'why can't you carry it horizontally?'

sometimes, freqent exposure to things which involves a higher order of thinking, leaves us ignorant to the simplicity of it. which annoys me to find that sometimes adults think they are brilliant and always right. you know how as kids, we used to have alot of dreams, to be a fireman, policeman, lawyer, doctor, pilot, etc. dreams erupt from imagination and inspiration when we watch our favourite tv drama serials. as kids, we believed in ghosts/ monsters under our beds; things that we couldn't see in front of our eyes. yet, as we grow older, when we ask one another what our ambition is, we find ourselves saying 'I don't know' the most. we try not to believe in the unknown, be it the existence of a god, angel, ghosts, or sometimes our childhood ambition to be the president someday. why? because we are exposed to reality, snatching away and telling us that we can't get what we want unless we pay the price for it. but that's beside the point.

I was so irritated the whole day or rather the whole year. as if going to school and hearing 'aim for As' every single day, you are reminded again at home. in our environment, we constantly reminded that we cannot fail, that only being the elites, can we then have a livelihood. the mid year exams are coming soon, and my mother has been asking me non-stop if I have been studying. recently, she was on vacation and I didn't do much studying aside from finishing my math revision package. and she questioned me on my progress, and was unconvinced when I told her I studied while she was away. you see, we no longer believe in things unless we see it happening before our eyes. faith starts diminishing in our lives and who have we to blame but ourselves; then again, what are we best at? none other than shifting the blame to others.


exams pisses me off. wait, studies pisses me off. we no longer are able to do the things we love unless we all abide by the rules.


Charmaine at 9:49 PM | 0 comments
quizzzzzzzzz
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
My boredom has reduced me to such...activities


A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag 5 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse.These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.Continue this game by sending it to other people.

#1 If your lover betrayed you, what will your first reaction be?
walk away

#2 If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
for me never to have regrets

#3 What will your dream wedding be like?
definitely a dream come true

#4 Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
no, i don't like thinking of reality.

#5 What's your ideal lover like?
smart, funny, at least 1.8m, someone who loves me for me :)

#6 Which would you rather, loving someone or being loved by someone?
call me selfish, but being loved is better when you don't know how to love.

#7 How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love?
[moving on with life...NEXT] nah, i'm kidding. i'll tell you when that day comes

#8 If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
i keep my distance from people who are attached, don't want some crazy gf coming after me :S

#9 Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
the mention of school, exams, and studying

#10 Are you in love or being loved now?
as far as i see it, neither

#11 How do you see yourself in ten years time?
i avoid thinking of reality like the plague

#12 What do you wish you could appear to be (to others)?
mysterious and unpredictable

#13 What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
bored.

#14 Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
single and rich :) [there's always a chance of marriage LATER]

#15 What's the first thing you do every morning?
crawl to the other end of my bed and whine to myself while snuggling close to my pillows

#16 Would you give your all in a relationship?
i'm not sure...worth considering

#17 If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
i'm incapable of loving.

#18 Would you fall for a friend?
my mother taught me never to talk to strangers.

#19 What type of friends do you like?
unique in their own simple way

#20 What type of friends do you dislike?
i highly doubt they would be my friends then.


I CHOOSE YOU:

JAI
ZAI
WEN
KARMY
JL

Charmaine at 11:46 PM | 0 comments
boredom
Monday, June 9, 2008
OMG. I'm SO BOREDDDDDDDDDD. how do people stand being on the computer for hours and hours!! yet, I don't wanna study :( seeing everyone talk about only studies, makes me anxious at my lack of progress yet, at the same time, it totally turns me off. why does singapore needs to be a place where there's no room for failure? it's literally a paperchase. I hate how people are deprived of a real childhood, not one filled with...such materialism. anyways, I'm so bored I'm just blogging for the fun of it. so that I can waste abit of time. okay, it's already the third week of holidays, and I didn't do ANY studying. I'm royally screwed.

time to get my ass on my books and be their best friends for the next 2 weeks. otherwise, goodbye As and hello J1. EWW.

Charmaine at 12:11 AM | 1 comments
sex, lust and mud
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Last night was an eventful night and one filled with emotional trauma. Only then I felt fear, for a moment at a loss. I was so confused ...Despite my short scream, I knew for sure, the group of people rotting their lives away at the bottom hadn’t give a damn, as if it was just something they experienced everyday. I fought back my tears...begged her desperately ... I stayed in that tiny trapped area, crying and wishing to be found as soon as possible. Finally, she found me, and I was so scared to move from where I was, but eventually found the courage to descend the same flight of stairs that had emotionally eaten into my sanity...I hugged her tightly and just cried non-stop. She had assumed I cried because I was lost, and I told her what happened... I was so scared, at that moment, as long as I saw someone I knew whether close or not, I was sure I would cling to them for my dear life. We walked over to St. James, and surprisingly, I was feeling so numb to everything that had just happened. Inside, I was just BLANK. No emotions, no sadness, nothing... they were speechless too, that such a young man could be capable of such despicable dirty tricks. I now know why girls always go in groups wherever they go; only I the one who is usually fearless and dismisses such weakness have ironically fallen prey to such acts.

That unfortunate event will forever be etched into my mind, just like how the other 3 times have been. Perhaps, because it’s my fourth time, I have grown numb to such things? Yet, when I’m alone, I can’t help but feel angry. Angry that I didn’t do anything; angry for even at that moment thinking it could be someone I know teasing me; angry for being so naïve. I’m angry at my slow reflexes, angry at why I couldn’t save myself, angry at the fear I felt and even angrier at my ‘innocence’. How is it that my alarm bells did not start ringing ? This world is scary, when such things occur, no one helps you; you are left to fend for yourself. It is the art of survival. To say that I have lost my trust in guys, would be an understatement. This has happened too many times for me to keep using the same line. This experience has led me to trust my instincts 101% and be afraid of the dark. I now know the exact feeling to why Claire always wishes to be home early, and I will take after her. As much as I hate to be dependent on guys, for this I have to get off my high horse, and just be the weak female society expects. I hate the world out there, full of lust, dirtiness and despicable acts. I am so numb that I don’t know what to feel anymore. Perhaps, I should go back to where I originally felt the safest and the most distant from every possible danger out there. Maybe only then, will I find peace and serenity- in my own haven.

Charmaine at 10:48 AM | 0 comments
procrastination
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Procrastination must be the deadliest sin in my life. it's the 2nd week of hols already, and my progress in studying is slower than a snail crossing the road. SIGH. why is there no sense of urgency. sometimes I wonder if not going for pre-u sem for a week would make any difference to that progress. perhaps, perhaps not. but then again, I would miss out on sooo many friends and so much fun. I think I'll rather sacrifice progress for friendship. yes, so I've been away for a week.

My group SG10 is DA BOMB. one super camwhoring group! we took like probably more than 1000 pictures! from morning til night! imagine that! it's like as if we clicked with one another instantly! no cliques, no alienation! everyone just helped one another out to have fun. I miss the laughter, the cheering, the camwhoring, and the pranks. (but I'll keep those pictures to myself to save the ones involved, embarrassment). once again, the fun I had with them can only be described in pictures that paint more than words.


our hospital and medical centre:

oh the jump shots are really cute! we jumped like at least 8 times...cos the pre u sem photographer wanted us as well! talk about fame
 tadah!


10!
amazing race: we kinda gave up on the digital chase just so we could camwhore more. but surprise surprise, we wound up FIRST PLACE for our mission! and we even took the bus to make it seem as if we took forever to solve the mystery! haha

yea! now no one can say I love staying indoors and will never go out in the sun! hah!

Lastly, SMILE :)


with love,

Charmaine at 9:31 AM | 0 comments