the last post.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
every night I stare into the darkness,
consumed by the very reason I live.
the fall is greater than others,
yet I'm not allowed to leave

the neverending torture
of having to face you
when I awake to fear.
the neverending suffering
of having to fall asleep in tears.

but it is you, I find myself relying on,
it is you, I'm helpless without.
it is you, who carved the being I am now,
and it is you, I'm lost without.

I want to move on and let go
of the vices and locks
you attach yourself to me.
But you wouldn't let me be who I want to be.

When I run, you find me.
When I laugh, you haunt me.
When I cry, you smile at me.
When I try, you fail me.

and I'm now left with the mess you left to me.



okay. this is my 135th post. after friday, I'm moving to lj, cos it's easier to post pictures unlike blogspot (yes yes, I know, I said I hated lj. I still do..it's just that posting is soo much easier). and though some may wonder what's the point of locked ljs when you're typing it online for the world to see, I'M STILL LOCKING IT. simply because...I'm so tired of knowing people who read my blog but don't tell me. it's just basic courtesy okay. and because of all these annoying annoymous people, it feels like I'm blogging just for THEIR entertainment- to while the time away. HENCE, if you want to know my blog, ASK ME. and don't ask others nor tell the others who ask you. it's simply frustrating.

Charmaine at 9:58 AM | 0 comments
finally an update
Monday, February 16, 2009
okay for all the people who have been saying my blog is dead, you can start rising from the dead. this is just gonna be a wordy post, since I'm too lazy to post pictures at the moment. HENCE, wait til next time.

I'll just do it chronological order.

okay nevermind, I gave up. just know that SMG had some picnic as a farewell to those going to ns at the botanics. it was really nice, people should picnic more often. just that unless you have something to talk about, it gets boring. then came CNY (how many times have you read that people grow fat from eating all the goodies, blah blah blah. most importantly, I'm done spending all my cny money and am back to a state beyond poverty)

then came lunch with hariz,hans,glenn,jings and leonard (thanks to leonard's recommendation) we ate at some weirdo japanese buffet at TURF CITY. so ulu la. zomg. then met sar, jit and glenn for a night out at ATTICA. music was good...and as usual sar had her crazy nights. so thanks jit for sending me home though it was clearly not in the way! (not like he's gonna read it anyways). so that was on 31 Jan.

[since I'm already at it, I may as well just update on the rest, pictures just have to wait]

next up 2 feb: 'Alls well ends well' with jai at vivo at like 11 plus in the morning, while we waited for jings. so okay, the guy behind the counter was pretty cute. hahaha. but probably 16 :S (not a fan of younger guys). show was...cute, not bad and it was good since the cinema wasn't too crowded. then went beaching with jings & jai. it was fun, we swam (didn't really tan) and just camwhored.haha. there was this bunch of PRC guys who were like trying to act like they were such beach boys by posing with a volley ball which they never played with. ACT ONLY. weirdos, then take picture of jings sitting on the sand some more. is it me or are people just weird. okay they're weird. then came these 2 bosnian men who saw me and jai acting like the PRC people we saw earlier that day, and wanted to take picture with us. zomg...weird. but they're camera was cool nonetheless. :) okay then we saw some caucasian woman who was so comfortable in her own skin, she just changed into her bikini near the sinks. imagine what we saw instead of our own reflections. dinner at marche with jings,cyn,leonard,hariz,prabs and wil.

3 feb: lunch with zai, as usual full of rubbish or did we actually talk about something- yeah, religion. fascinating stuff (and I'm not being sarcastic)

4 feb: 'Inkheart' with zai. the show wasn't too bad really, I kinda liked the ending most, where it was the most action-packed. then met claire for dinner. my ipod tried to punk me by hanging. almost wanted to bring it for repair. lucky claire showed me the existence of a previously-non-existent restart function.so yayers.speaking of claire, THANKS FOR THE MOST PRACTICAL CHRISTMAS PRESENT. haha

8 feb: after church, shuwen and I met up with claire to head over to the zouk flea where it was sooo crowded, shuwen got giddy towards the end. technically it's so crowded that you get disinterested halfway. but we managed to snag a few cheap buys. I bought a tube top from jade seah at $5 (it's even cheaper than KFC man), and it was from mng brand new with the tag! hahaha. imagine the joy. so after japanese class, I met kenneth and brina for steamboat/bbq at makansutra by the esplanade. thanks brina for letting me on the gossip! :) hahaha

10 feb: prabs (failed attempt) surprise dinner. but yes I know (to prabs) you prefer small groups. haha. so alecia, jings, leonard, hariz and prabs turned up. while cyn missed us since he was late. we had it at swenson's and basically it was JUST a dinner. LOL. how exciting.

12 feb: late night sessions on the phone left me little sleep. but, I still managed to wake up to head over to hariz' s house for GUITAR HERO. haaha. fun fun fun. then 'slumdog millionaire' with jai, prabs, hariz and jings. an interesting movie honestly. (so much for movie reviews, I'm a woman of few words; yeah right, my ass uh)

13 feb: GYMMING with shuwen. see that. G-Y-M-M-I-N-G. I brought my KFC into the gym though. teehee. shuwen ran like 4.36km on the treadmill, zomg. I just leisurely did some crunches and pedaled on the cycling machine while reading 'SHAPE'. HAHAHA. not like anything really did register into my brain about fitness. but how apt. hahaha. then shuwen went to swim alone while I laid in the shade reading harper's bazaar. HAHAHA. like what shuwen would said "you're such a blob". gosh, I love that word, it's so cute.

14 feb: Happy Valentines' Day & Singles' Day! <3.>

drinks taken: 2 kamikazes, 2 shots, 1 yegabomb, 1/2 submarine, 1/2 flaming, 1/2 cranberry vodka. wow. hahaha. thank goodness nothing crazy happened :)

15 feb: hehe. met shuwen for KFC, followed by some errands in town, then met the OJT people at paradiz (since they were playing pool there) and then 'New in Town' with c. the movie's a romantic comedy, which honestly some parts was funny. but okay, due to the fact there's no funny kind of comedy available, just make do with one that has a 'romantic' in front of it. gosh, I'm so not one to appreciate romance. HAHAHA.

16 feb: my FIRST DAY OF WORK- was, okay. just belaying really. the primary school kids are really cute honestly, wayyy better than secondary and their seniors :S but gosh, I came home hungry, tired with neck aches, body aches, head aches, and rope burns. fabulous huh.

okay, there, wordy enough? loves

Charmaine at 6:39 PM | 0 comments
random thoughts
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
sometimes I wonder if you really know me,
sometimes I wonder if you really care.
sometimes I wonder if you really mean it,
yet you leave me, confused.

on other times you make me laugh,
on other times you make me cry.
on other times you make me angry,
yet you leave me, wanting more.

but this time you knew me,
and this time you said.
that this time it was different
yet you leave me, stranded

the last time you saw me,
the last time you held me.
the last time you kissed me,
I was no longer there.

Charmaine at 3:15 PM | 0 comments
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
disclaimer: this is a post filled with extreme anger and frustration due to a very ridiculous situation and hence, I don't care if you judge me for my language because every person has a right to be angry. so screw it.

a particular driving school is such an ass. this malaysian-looking-checkpoint/ dodgy/ dreary/ disgusting piece of landmark just HAD TO SPOIL MY DAY/ YEAR. the people there are PURE PRICKS who literally are just plain retards who think they are so bloody smart just because they are 'SENIORS' there and have a hell lotta experience with vehicles. they just plain f****ing annoying.

okay, here's the situation:
  • I forgot my IC and had no time to go back to get it. so I kinda lied that I lost it. so the guy in charge of giving people their passwords made me stand aside while he tend to the rest of the people.
  • He asked me a whole load of useless questions about my ic WHICH DOESN'T CONCERN HIS CHEAP ASS, and makes me wait outside the room until his 'SENIOR' can assess the situation
  • so I wait outside like as if waiting in the dreadful polyclinic waiting halls with cheap plastic chairs while he asks me 'where you stay', 'your passport?' [I mean WHO THE HELL BRINGS THEIR PASSPORT EVERYWHERE THEY GO?!], 'can you get your family members to come down' in which I replied 'no one's home'.
  • then he stops giving out his passwords, and look at me like 'oh how?'. you know that IDIOTIC slip of USELESS paper only needs your NAME and IC no. seriously, THE DAMN EZ LINK card has it with a PHOTO. and MY piece of paper was staring right at his face. I pointed to it and was like 'THAT's MINE'.
  • while waiting, a poly boy used his tertiary ez link card too. and it was quite funny cos he gave the same answers to the same questions: 'I don't have my IC and don't bring my passport out', 'woodlands', 'no one's home'. NOW HERE'S THE F****ing annoying problem with these pricks.
  • SENIOR says 'got student card. ez link NO. we have STRICT RULES'. I was like [are you f****ing kidding me] 'I USE THIS FOR MY A-LEVELS'. (according to prabs, I could be heard). I was like so bloody irritated and frustrated. I mean WTF. so poly boy comes along, and shows his poly card. 'okay go' I was like WHAT THE F**K. okay I didn't say it out loud. I was so irritated I said 'I just finish my A-levels. and JC students DON'T HAVE STUDENT CARDS, I mean we use this to take all our exams'. and the prick says 'NO EZ LINK.'
  • I was like so frustrated I was close to tears. I called my brother, who was so nice and understanding to leave school immediately and cab home to get my passport and cab to that stupid place. and they expected it all done in half an hour. HELLO IT'S PEAK HOUR! and the dumb retard just gave me that 'oh, who ask you' look. if I could I would print their faces and stab it a million times before sending it to hell by burning it. and they were like 'okay you can take your test but you cannot end test until the passport comes'
  • so I took it, and the whole time they were watching me like I was gonna cheat or something. HAH, I finished the damn shit in 12 mins including checking. and the same prick was like 'you finish already ah. check la' and I happily told him 'I checked it' *fake smile*. then they paused my test and asked me go out and call my brother (actually I was msging in the test room)
  • by 7.15pm my brother was like only reaching home! so I mean, instead of making him waste money to cab down and watch them disqualify me, I told him to save the money, and self-disqualified myself. WHAT THE F**K. I was SO ANGRY, I kinda dropped a tear or two. but I was fine. walked in with dignity and told them I would disqualify. [WHO THE HELL GOES TO A TEST TO DISQUALIFY THEMSELVES?! you're currently looking at one]
  • on the bus, I just got so damn pissed recounting the whole conversation and the ridiculous-ness of the whole damn thing I couldn't help but shed a few tears. lucky the bus was like empty, people probably thought must have been a bgf thing *rolls eyes*
  • and the most annoying part...I was DEFINITE I could have passed with flying colours.

the worst part: JC STUDENTS DON'T HAVE STUDENT CARDS.

and you know what...the next test...is in MARCH

finally... the moment you've been waiting for.

**DC....FUCK IT


Charmaine at 10:07 PM | 0 comments
bitching is essential
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
NOTE: I am too lazy to upload any photos of any outings (which has been alot) as that would mean I have to resize them first. HENCE, since patience is a virtue, WAIT.

anyways, I've been reading blogs from the people I like, to the people I don't like to people I don't even know. so since I'm so full from dinner, I need to channel that energy somewhere= bitching.

I shall attempt to address some FAQs that you may have always wanted to ask but never became a somebody to ask that person. [disclaimer: this is not targetted towards anybody. ANYBODY]

Q1: Why do people like to lock their blogs? I mean, why write them online if you're gonna lock it right?
A: Privacy, respect it. and if you can't get vip passes into the juice, move on.

Q2: Why do people like to post pictures of their bfs/gfs like in every post?
A: let them live their life la. it's short. but okay, it's damn annoying too. HENCE, that's what it's LOCKED for; it's their way of responding to your way of saying 'go get a room'

Q3: Why do people like to bitch about others on their blog?
A: EH, you're looking at one okay. but anyways, it's because...(maybe) they know the person won't read it, and it wouldn't be very courteous to say it in their face :) the world's a bitch, time to learn biatches.

Q4: But why do they have to post about the life we are so not interested in?
A: then why read it.

Q5: Isn't it hypocritical to bitch about them on your blog and then be nice to the person?
A: DUH. then don't be nice la.

Q6: Why do people sometimes try to be deep/abstract/philosophical until no one understands what they're talking about?
A: (to be nice) it's a form of self-expression. (bitchy) ACT ONLY

Q7: what's the difference between interesting blogs and boring ones?
A: boring ones are those who only blog about their mundane lives like it's a recipe [step 1...step 2...etc]. interesting blogs are blogs in which you find yourself engaged in topics you're not even interested in (eg. palin)

Q8: what do you think of PBA (public blogging of affection)?
A: I call it BAD (blogging of affection disorder/dislike/distaste)

Q9: why be bitchy?
A: honey, when you can't fight them, join them. told ya life's a bitch

Q10: how should I be a disciplined and regular blogger who doesn't leave a blog dead?
A: find your inner bitch.

Charmaine at 10:08 PM | 1 comments